Friday, July 8, 2011


If you are reading this you I would suggest you go back to my earlier posts to catch up on where I am coming from!
Much to my surprise the period after our last left for college was wonderful! Don't get me wrong it was weird just being the two of us again, and I did miss the kids, BUT my husband and I quickly fell into a new routine. We actually had time to talk and rediscover each other. We found out that we liked each other as much as when we first met those 25 years before, and that we still enjoyed each other's company! We decided to embark on some activities that we didn't have time for in the past due to children related obligations. Our first, and continuing adventure was to discover the many vineyards on the Connecticut wine trail. I discovered that this area is rich in resources and produces some fabulous wines. We tasted, talked, built up quite a wine collection, and just completely enjoyed each others company!
It is very interesting, but our youngest's perception was that we were drowning our sorrow in alcohol, when in fact the wine was secondary. What in fact we were doing was rediscovering ourselves outside of the role of mommy and daddy, and adding a new layer onto who were were as individuals and as a couple.

Reflections (cont)

I was all of a sudden filled with questions, fear and most importantly doubt. Would my son adjust well to college life and being away from home?, what would I do with my free time? and the biggest question was after 20 years of being parents and having the majority of our time centered around our children, did my husband and I have anything in common anymore?
We dropped our son off in Rhode Island, and surprisingly not a tear was shed. In fact I truly believe that our son couldn't wait for us to go, so he could be off to start this new independent chapter of his life. From there we zipped up to Boston to have a brief visit and dinner with our daughter. On our way home I was filled with mixed emotions. I looked at my husband of 23+ years and felt like I was on a first date- the feelings of uncertainty filled me. The sense of loss of my children's innocence as they rapidly maneuvered their way into adulthood. "how could this be happening?" I felt as if I had gone to sleep and they were toddlers at my feet, and woke up and they were two bright, worldly young adults. I was excited for them, while at the same time trying to deal with my own (however selfish) loss.


I guess I'm starting this a bit after the fact, but it's taken me a while to process this past year. I am the mother of two colleges age children, a girl almost 21, and my son who will turn 19 shortly. My oldest left for Boston 3 years ago and although she has returned home for vacations and partial summers has chosen to use her summers to travel and or gain valuable work experience in her field of graphic design by accepting coop positions in Boston. It was a transition but we speak or text pretty much daily and when she does return home it is a pleasure to spend time with this articulate, young woman who has grown up before our eyes. Although her absence those first two years certainly left a gap in our family, life had a way of moving on. Our days were spent working on our own careers, going to our son's high school football games as well as a variety of other activities that kept us busy. Then our son's junior year came along, the process of college searches, and visitations was somewhat easier the second time around, however I had a constant nagging feeling that I couldn't put my finger on. Those last few months of high school were busy between AP exams, senior slump, awards ceremonies and college prep. before we knew it June was here and graduation was upon us! Then came college orientation and I found myself tearing up at the silliest things. my son on the other hand was going to make the most of his summer- between working, spending time with friends, and sleep I felt as if we barely saw each other. Why couldn't he have become disagreeable, like his sister, before leaving. I always felt as if that tense period occurred in order to make it easier for parents to send their children off. Then late August the mad rush of college preparation started. Unlike my daughter who shopped for the perfect bedding, coordinated assecssories with her roommate, my son was a one day trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond in which we purchased everything he could possibly need. The biggest decision was would he and his roommate share a refridg/microwave combo! It was all too easy. But as Labor day weekend approached I found that heavy feeling inside to be growing.